Day 1: It’s an easy day today. Two 15-minutes appointments. One is for a massage and the the other is Helmet of Salvation day. I aim to do this and not have them take it off because I fear being pinned down on the table. My thought for the day is how people of faith respond differently to the news. People send me positive thoughts, well-wishes, good vibes, etc. My church family holds me up in prayer. I feel like I need both.
I hate that everyone knows about my condition. Do I feel weak? Do I feel stupid because I told everyone about how to be more healthy. I feel like this is payback time from God. The lesson here is to quit being so judgmental and accept everyone for who they are really.
I also knew the day would come when God would silence me. I have been talking peoples’ heads off since birth. Now the day has come when I will be quiet and silent and short of breath and drugged because of the pain. I am hoping that I do not lose the ability to type so I can communicate through words. I always wanted to be a writer. However, I do not ever want to lose the garden. There’s something about being in the garden that is divine.
Here I go. I slept well. I feel rested. I will feel the presence of my Heavenly Father as I keep my eyes on eternity.
Day 2: Stressful day whether I acknowledged it or not. Long day for sure. There was radiation, massage, blood draw, doctor visit, prescription filling, then the dreaded “infusion.”
It is the day I entered the collective. This elite group of cyborgs — people with ports and ever-changing bodies meet at the same place, various times through the week. We are attached to the chemicals that at the same time help our bodies to eliminate the weakened cancer cells and damage our healthy cells. I am praying my healthy cells bounce back quickly. The effects of the chemicals remain to be seen.
Everyone has a different story about how the collective works. But it’s like your own tiny room in the space ship with the barest of essentials. A chair to sleep or read in, a small closet, a chair for companionship and the apparatus with the alarms for the introduction of the chemicals; carefully timed sessions with many different fluids.
My port was fresh and it hurt when she stuck the needle in. It had to be done with masks and gloves and protection to avoid an infection. The last thing one would want that close to the heart.
It took all of three plus hours to get through the first process. I was monitored for allergies to the first toxic solution. I passed, and thank my Heavenly Father for that small favor. During the course of day, the flight attendant came by with a basket of snacks.
“Would you like something to drink — coffee, water? Would you like a snack?”
I didn’t think I would, but I found some strawberry yogurt covered Chex mix that like Lucy would say, “Has the right amount of sweet and salt.” I love Lucy. I also loved the Chex mix and ate a couple of bags, drank some coffee and spent the rest of the week waiting for the vomiting to begin.
Day 3: I slept like I haven’t slept for years. It was such a blessing. Such a blessing. I felt great and after radiation we ran errands, too many. Then, we signed up for HBO MAX and began watching GOT. For those of you who saw it when it was in its prime and for those of you who never did, GOT is Game of Thrones. Yeah, it’s shockingly graphic and many people didn’t like it, but I have always had a fascination with costuming and historic settings and so I’m giving it a chance. Later in the day we went to Oliver’s birthday party. It was pretty low-key except for the over the top gifts he received. I ate well, and spent the night on the couch coughing. But not puking. Another night’s rest I consider a gift from my Heavenly Father.
Day 4: It’s foggy. We have so much snow surrounding our house and now it is foggy again. There will be heavy rain this April and May and I am praying for two things today, my son and his future and no flooding. I cannot even imagine what a setback it will be to have to clean up after another flood. It will be an easy day today as I only have radiation treatment and then we can come home to clean out the fridges and maybe the bathrooms. I have little energy or spurts and I’m saving it for my seedlings. My seedlings are life.
Day 5: The week is finally over and I had a bad day. My energy reflects the general weather of late, gray and damp. My cough was painful and all the drugs gave me constipation. I have never had constipation in my life like this and its painful and makes me feel bloated and uncomfortable. I did nothing on Friday, nothing.
INDYchildrendotme 
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