After the first week of radiation, my notes became scarce. I became scarce. I am relying on the moments that make a permanent impression on my memory to continue my journey. And, there were quite a few. As I sit here and think it was like my life had become a movie called “Ground Hogs Day.” There were more than a few lessons learned this year.
Radiation didn’t hurt. It felt like a job. Every morning, Claire would call or text she was on the way. Schedules were made for a week or two in advance and constantly adjusted. I’m not sure how those staff could keep us all straight. It was truly amazing and accommodating. I wrote each week’s appointments in my bullet journal and kept it wide open on the table so everyone could review a week at a time.
We, JC, Claire and I, would arrive at the Cancer Center early. Most of my appointments were between 7:30 and 8:30 a.m. followed by doctor visits, massage, dietitians, and social workers, and then off to the infusion center on Tuesdays. More than once the weather was uncooperative, but it didn’t stop us.
By Friday of the first week, I was tired. So tired. There were no more pancake breakfasts. I did not want to see or be seen in public. Since I was dressing and undressing and dressing again in a matter of an hour I wore comfortable clothes as easy off and on as possible.
Infusion meant accessing my port that to this day can be seen through thin tee shirts or when I wear a swimsuit. (I do not do that too often, but I will do that in future posts.)
I was cold. Usually, I am cold and wear a lot of turtlenecks. Now it was scoop necks and zip-up fleece so I could open up when I had to.
Even after two weeks of radiation and chemo, my cough was deep and dark. I would go to bed around 9 p.m. I couldn’t read before I went to sleep anymore. It didn’t work. I just wanted to sleep.
My cough kept me up. I found sleeping elevated made it easier to breathe, so off to the sofa I went. There was pain in my jaw and ear from an affected lymph node. We tried Tramadol. Yikes. The journal page with that experience was awful. I gave it a second chance. It gave me a terrible headache. That was all I took.
Dr. Rakshit prescribed some benzonatate to ease the cough. (Yes, out of respect I will now use Dr. Rakshit’s real name and am learning how to pronounce it properly.) He also wrote scrips for anti-nausea meds based on Claire’s recommendation. She has more experience in medicine than myself.
The cough worsened by the end of March. It was scary.
Sometimes I would cough so hard it felt like my lung collapsed. Of course, I have never had a collapsed lung so I don’t know what that feels like. My breath would be sucked out of me and I would double over until it passed. One night, I could taste the iron taste of blood in my mouth even though very little mucus, or anything else was produced. The cough was dry until the very end of the radiation.
We finally found that hydrocodone acetaminophen cough syrup helped me sleep. I still woke up around 2 a.m. and moved to my nest to sleep upright. I would write or just sit in the dark and allow the cough syrup to work. I could feel the calm and sleepiness slowly come over me. I’m not going to lie, it was very pleasant
INDYchildrendotme 
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