Each of us has a story. Every story begins and sadly enough ends. No matter what happens during the “dash” between the dates on our tombstone, that ending is a surprise.
Many of us don’t dwell on our expiration date daily, much less hour by hour. Cancer has a way of creating a keen awareness that any day could be the day. Every day decisions seem to be followed by the thought, “If I am healthy enough.”
These past two years have been like living in limbo. I feel healthy. The positive response to the Gamma Knife surgery was such a blessing. Yet, there’s always that little niggling in the back of my brain, “If not this time, next?” I’ve let the uncertainty about the future weigh me down.
It’s no way to live. None of us know what tomorrow brings, so I decided to commit our Bible study verse to memory and repeat it over and over. Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
That ignites the age-old question of “What is my purpose?” Oh, I’ve had a few purposes in my lifetime, but whose purpose was it? Mine or His?
Every day I carefully weigh how I spend my time. In conversations with myself I have learned how to say no. I treat myself. I rest a bit more.
Accepting my healing on a day-to-day basis has given me much joy in these beautiful autumn days. But, knowing me, I stepped out in faith and made some commitments.
These commitments are not for tomorrow or next weekend but are months away. There’s always the possibility I won’t be able to follow through, but rather than dwell on not being there, I’m focusing on the chance I will.
Is it easy? Not really. It’s not up to me. I only need to show up every day and trust.
It’s time to clean up the gardens for the season and I’m a bit preoccupied with these tasks. It’s taking longer as I do have limitations. But, I keep showing up eating the elephant one bite at a time.
I will share more about my commitments and an idea that has been percolating in my head for too many years. In the meantime, it’s also been three months since my chest CT scan. You know what’s on my mind.
Working outdoors untangles my thoughts. Once that happens I can put down in words how wonderful life is….
Besides, my Earl Grey is getting cold.
INDYchildrendotme 
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