Sometimes, reality sets in. None of my doctors have ever given me a timeline for my cancer’s course. I have never asked. It’s between God and me. I’m trying to move forward without dwelling on what happens next. So far, it’s been excellent news.
We share that news at a group I zoom in on every other Tuesday afternoon called FourWard. It is a group from the Roger Maris Cancer Center in Fargo and is for women with Stage IV cancer.
I’m not a fan of Zoom or long meetings, but I’m glad for the opportunity to be part of these women’s lives, even if it’s long distance. Their stories have given me hope that it’s possible to live with cancer the same as with any other chronic disease. I feel fortunate that my life was so long without any disease to speak of, until it wasn’t.
One of the long-time members of FourWard passed while I was at Mayo for Thanksgiving. Her name was Monica. I didn’t know her well, but she was one of us. I had no idea she was in hospice from the time I joined the group earlier this year.
After our Christmas meeting (party) in which we took some time off to create a Christmas ornament, the conversation turned to Monica’s recent funeral, and “the bell.”
For the sake of those who were new to this group, the moderator explained the origin of the bell. If I heard correctly, it was a gift to the cancer center from the husband of one of the group members who passed.
If you know anyone who has gone through cancer treatment, you may have experienced the bell. When I finished my first round of radiation at the Bismarck Cancer Center in 2023, I got to ring the bell.
There’s a bell at the Sanford Cancer Center also. After every chemo infusion I had in conjunction with the radiation on the fourth floor of that building in downtown Bismarck, I walked by the bell. I didn’t ring that bell. I believe it’s for people who have gone into remission long enough to be crowned cancer-free. In all my visits to see the doctor, or have an infusion, I have never heard anyone ring that bell.
And, I realize now, it will never be me.
The conversation about Monica’s funeral and the bell struck me pretty hard, and yet there was something beautiful about that Stage IV bell story.
Someone, forgive me for not remembering who decided to purchase this bell for Stage IV cancer patients. We belong to a special group of patients who will never be able to ring the free-from-cancer bell. Until now, I had never given it any thought.
Now I know, this particular bell is rung before, during or after the funeral of someone who lived with Stage IV cancer. Until they couldn’t.
That story pierced my heart when I realized that would be me. Yes, I talk about my funeral, I have been doing some planning, picking songs and looking for the perfect ending for my story here on earth. I will now include the ringing of the bell. It will be beautiful. Three tones, methinks at the very end of the service.
It will be beautiful because that Stage IV cancer bell means the same thing as those other bells — freedom from cancer. Forever. How do I know?
As it states in Revelation 21:4 — “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Forever.
At this point in my cancer journey, I feel great. The real pain I feel is for the recent losses my friends and family, including my husband, have experienced. It’s life. Someday, all of us will walk through the doorway leading to the next life. A new life. There is peace in knowing that stepping through that door to our heavenly home frees us from heartaches, pain and tears. Forever.
It’s fitting that this story comes to me now. Christmas is the season of the bells. It has its own bell story.
On Christmas Day in 1863, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow penned a poem about bells and peace. You know, there has never been a generation that escapes the pain of life on earth.
It was the time of the Civil War. Longfellow had received word on Christmas Day that his son had been wounded in battle. He poured out his heart in this poem, which later was set to music. It should be familiar to all of us. It is one of many Christmas songs filled with hope for mankind.
I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet their songs repeat
Of peace on earth good will to men
And in despair I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men
Then rang the bells, more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor does He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men
Then ringing singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men
Never will I hear the ringing of a bell the same after this week.
Here’s wishing you God’s peace as you anticipate Christmas Day. Accept His gift.
INDYchildrendotme 
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