I.amN.otD.eadY.et children so listen up!

Somehow when you are painfully aware that you are in the winter of your life with a non-curable disease, you think almost daily, “What should I do now?”

There are so many things I want to do or be a part of. What do I do?

By nature, I am the type of person who likes to keep moving, learning, and doing. With cancer breathing down my neck, the clock feels like it has sped up, and I gotta do more to get everything done. Pretty silly, but true.

This is how I feel.

Now what? This will be the first quarter of a new year I don’t have to treat a tumor or five. Do I trust that my cancer will remain stable? I feel like I am the weather — running hot and cold daily. 

There are moments of warm sunshine on my smiling face. The next, there’s a wave of cold doubt. It takes energy to push the negative thoughts from my mind and concentrate on the good. There’s oh so much good about my life right now.

So what am I going to do? Well, over-extend myself as usual. 

I’ve committed to several things this year, so I’m going with faith that I can accomplish a few things in this winter of my life. I have, like I mentioned a few posts back, stepped into the river with faith, praying (with your help) to get to the other side.

Here’s the list beginning with the most delightful news first —

1. I submitted a short piece to a Proverbs 31 Compel Pro Writing opportunity. It was chosen as an Instagram post to encourage others to keep writing. I should probably reread it.
   
2. My February newsletter project, The Sowin’ Circle, will be sent out in about two weeks. There was a financial commitment and a deadline to create and send a monthly email newsletter. It is an effort to keep me writing on a manuscript or two by sharing bits and pieces. But I also experienced a learning curve. Oh boy, when you don’t work on a computer daily, it takes some catching up because things change rapidly.
   
3. Oh, did I mention those two writing projects before? It is time to get all the words out of my head by sharing what I have learned over the years with a new generation of “hippies.” (For lack of a better word.) I’m pondering daily the two manuscripts I decided to focus on this year.
   
4. I have been active in local foods and gardening for years, and a few people remember me. I will be speaking at a Women in Ag Event in Center, ND, in April. This is the third time they have asked me to present. For the last two years, I was too ill to follow through. I am honored to be asked again. I can do this. The third time is a charm.
   
5. A few days after that presentation, I will fly to Washington, D.C. with the folks from the American Lung Association to share my story with the people making funding decisions about lung cancer. It has become more critical to continue fighting for funding.
   
6. Because I fall prey to the newsletters I receive each week, I have signed up for two new classes. I’m reading four books for the Hillsdale College course “Totalitarian Novels.” The books are George Orwell’s “1984,” Aldous Huxley’s “A Brave New World,” Arthur Koestler’s “Darkness at Noon,” and C.S. Lewis’s “That Hideous Strength.” YIKES. 
   
   The second class is the Compel Writer’s Cohort Learning Class on teaching and writing the word.
   
7. By the grace of God, my transplants will be in the greenhouse, the garden tilled, and it will be time to garden. If I succeeded in planting those gardens while fighting radiation fatigue for the past two years, this year will be a breeze.
   
   I’m unsure how many farmer markets I will do this summer, but I am baking some bread every other week to keep “Jane Dough” alive.
   
8. As harvest gets going in August, I have committed to attend a Bible School at the Tartu Academy of Theology in Estonia. My travels will be with my old friend and spiritual advisor Pastor Bob. I’m excited to try their bread. (Among all the other things.)

Then there’s family, spending time with family has to be a priority. 

I would not have the ability to overextend myself without your prayers. I will be asking a few questions shortly. I need some help with direction as far as my manuscripts are concerned. In the meantime, I will need to disappear now and then. Too much visiting and socializing wears me out.

But thanks to your prayers, I’ll be back.